MY SURPRISE LAGOS WEDDING

November 15, 2017 Jaybee 5 Comments

It was a lovely Monday morning. The African sun had strolled out early and had begun her catwalk on her cloudy runway in all her elegance. It was my first day at work, and I was determined to make a superb first impression. I was dressed up in my whitish white shirt and slim fit blue trouser. I checked myself out in the mirror, and I was looking like fresh bread, straight outta the oven.

I smiled, gave myself a peck, grabbed my keys and my laptop bag, and whispered "Leggo!" as I stepped onto the street of Lagos, straight to the bus park. Oh the keys? I meant the keys to my simple self contain apartment in the heart of Ojuelegba. I took a quick glance at my watch - 6:50am. Nice! I felt a bit uneasy, being only the second person in the 14-Seater bus that wouldn't move an inch until it was full.

Little did I know that I was heading to my own surprise wedding.

"CMS! CMS!! Two hundred. CMS!!!" The bus conductor screamed at the top of his voice. "Oga enter. One bus just commot now" I sighed and climbed into the bus. Not long after, passengers started coming in, in ones and twos. "Enter with your change o. Five hundred, One thousand, ma wole o (Don't enter). Na Monday morning be this o." The bus conductor gave his quick instructions and continued yelling "CMS! CMS!!"

The last two passengers made their way into the bus - A guy, and a lady. The guy was well built; like a bouncer and the moment he stepped into the bus, it went down a bit, acknowledging his weight. The lady looked like a half cast; her red gown was nicely cut and her natural hair was dark and well packed. "All these team naturalistas" I thought to myself. The driver made his way into his seat, kissed the positive and negative wires under the steering wheel together and the bus coughed to life.

As we journeyed from Ojuelegba to CMS, the baby on the back of the woman sitting right in front of me began playfully trying to drag my phone. On a normal day, I would play with his cheeks or make funny faces but not today. Today, he only constituted a distraction from my focus - "Lady-in-Red", seated at the far end, two seats away. So baby, please free me and let me strategically stare without getting caught.

We had just passed Costain, and were now on Carter Bridge, when the bus conductor, who was typically hanging from the door of the bus, leaned in. He looked angry but like most others, it probably was his face's default setting. "Yes, your money from the front" he motioned, meaning it was time to collect the bus fares. On impulse, I wanted to pay for "Lady-in-red" but thanks to my strict feeding budget, I couldn't.

That would mean no lunch meal. Probably just enough to buy snacks and a bottle of coke and I don't like what I hate - Hunger. So I rebuked the thought and brought out my N500 note. The conductor took the cash and continued his grumbling about warning everyone in the bus about not having change. Everyone ignored him. The two women in the front kept chorusing "Conductor; change o!"

An hour later, We got to the last stop at CMS and everyone alighted from the bus. The conductor sorted everyone's change, still grumbling "Shebi I don tell una say make una enter with Change!". Lo and behold, a couple of seconds later, I was standing next to "Lady-in-Red", both our hands stretched expectantly towards the bus conductor.

The conductor took a quick glance at both our faces, I couldn't tell if it was just me, or he actually had a mischievous smile on his face but before either of us could say Jack, he squeezed a One Thousand Naira note into Lady-in-Red's hand and shouted "Give this bros three hundred naira. I don join una together."

We looked at each, then looked up at him, as he was still hanging from the door of the bus, and it was as if he was admiring us both. He hit the top of the bus twice, and shouted "Oya! Go on!"... Just as the bus made to zoom off, I kid you not, this guy, with a wide grin on his face waved at us and shouted "Happy Married Life o!".

We looked at each other, probably wondering how long this new surprise marriage would last. I'll leave the rest to your imagination but just so you know that it was a really hungry first day at work.

Hehehe.

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