THE EX FACTOR #8

March 29, 2014 Jaybee 1 Comments

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
Mother Theresa couldn't possibly be wrong. No way!
I sat at the back of the cab remembering how I felt terrible and asked myself why I couldn't answer a simple "NO!" When Lizzy asked me if I still loved Titi.
"Do I still love her?" Maybe just a little, more of a fling. She had said she wanted to see me, and I still couldn't guess what for.

1 comments:

PAINKILLERS

March 25, 2014 Jaybee 2 Comments

On a cold and rather thoughtless night,
We stood hand in hand on the edge of a cliff,
Saying last prayers before the inevitable flight,
I looked you in the eye with insights, you were stone stiff.
Can I still make it to the train station?
And take a nap on the railway till a train wakes me up. 
I've always been the convict of your actions,
Sweet pains, not knowing if you should go on or set alterations.
I ploughed the field of my heart, raised a scarecrow and set booby traps.
I took you the way you were and wobbled along the dark tunnel of your mind like a blind pauper.
I tore out my skin to make you see my heart and  broke my spine to give it to you.
Little fire flies of promises, leading me onwards through the pilgrimage,
A journey that began with a "Hi" and a smile.
You knew what you anticipated doing all along,
We knew, I heard, but I just decided to turn deaf ears to warnings.
Slowly, you began to react to those silly shortcomings,
You saw the fear in my eyes, the trouble on my mind.
Every volcano starts with little bubbling molten magma,
Every hurricane starts with aimless funny winds,
An ocean of words unspoken, a sea of feelings unattended,
A couple of promises broken, a few unbreakable laws jealously guarded.

What happened to us?

I drown in the ocean of my heart ache, nicely messed up and beautifully undone.
Feeling stripped of everything, except the solace I find in the smile of poseidon.
Hold my hand oh mother Athena, or let me at least rest my head on your bosom,
Until this cloud of pain passes and the flowers will once again with hope blossom.
I'll take a bow while the curtain drops,
Hoping to get decapitated and become free of my misery.
At a minute to midnight, the moon started to weep
At the remembrance of how all day, the sun bled.
I'll avoid you like a plague in another life,
If I'm not twice a fool to get caught up in the aura of your attraction
I'll explore all my options, whether to slit my wrist with a knife,
Whatever will fill the cup of your satisfaction.
My head is spinning. My hand is freezing
My throat is chocking. My heart is melting.
How did the tides turn? Where did we get it all wrong?
I looked you in the eye with insights, you were stone stiff.
Slowly and steadily, u metamorphosed from reality to a myth.
Making me second guess myself and wishing I could've done more and given it all.
Allowing fate to lurk in the shadows and let out that mischievous smile.
I'm sorry for believing you when you said we're not going to get hurt.
Can't believe I'm once more a patient of TIME - My personal doc.
Once beaten, twice shy, thrice heartbroken.
I'll like to be sedated or preferably slump into an induced comma.
Whatever would ease this pain.
The immeasurable agony of this indescribable heartache.
I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good enough to shame fate.
In the meantime, I'm sorry doc hand over to me some painkillers.

2 comments:

THE EX FACTOR #7

March 22, 2014 Jaybee 0 Comments

"He who wants to mix love and segregation will only end up achieving nothing & losing both ways. "

"Hey whatsup dear" I said as I picked up the phone from my lying position. One good thing about people like me is the ability to ease seamlessly into other peoples life and by that I mean we make friends easily. Making friends is easy cheesy and Lizzy's case was easier, considering the fact that she called me first and she was naturally a comely person. She even had already asked me to come see her at home even though we just got on thesame page.

"When did you say you are coming to see me?" Lizzy asked.

There was always something I loved about her voice. Her "requesting" voice. Her voice can make someone do something he/she doesn't want to, out of pity or sympathy. A good example was going to see her which I had never had the plan of doing. Albeit for no genuine reason, I just didn't feel like.

"Later in the day. And its not you I even want to check on. It's Little Tammy"

"Hahaha... Why na?... I be old cargo?"

"Na you talk am oh"... "I no kuku call u old cargo. Silly you"

I was already in love with Lizz... No! Don't think faster than you read. I was in love with Lizzy's Daughter. Dorothy or Damilola. You just got to love her. 3 years and 10 months old. Very sharp & more intelligent than her age.

"My name is Tammy (Dammy)" she said with a smile when I spoke to her on phone and asked for her name. You know little kids and the exchange of "D" with "T". Even some adults do it. I love kids & this was one lovely kid.

I checked my bedside clock. "10:20AM"

It shouldn't be more than thirty to thirty-five minutes drive from my place to Lizzy's but Lagos' traffic makes journeys timeless. Just yesterday, Titi had called, saying she wanted to see me and since then I've been hoping its not that someone had gone ahead to tell her the forbidden news since we all agreed it wasn't yet time. And yes that reminded me of how the first stage of Dave's confession saga in the Step Inn went.

After Dave had narrated his ordeal with June, I and Mickey couldn't talk for like 2 minutes. "Oh boy eh!..." I said just at the same time when Mickey also found his voice.

"This is bad. Bad. I mean Real bad man!"

"I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't even know what to do..."

"You should be. Aswear" Mickey cut in before Dave could finish & I knew at this rate, voices would be raised. Well, like I didn't need my psychic thing for that cos in no time, Dave & Mickey were quietly shouting at each other & I was cutting into both's statement, trying to put an abrupt end to their childlike behaviour.

"Like say na this guy holy pass"

"At least I don't claim 'Mr. One woman man'. Do I?... And you claim you're about to be engaged or...."

"Guys!... Abeg na. Bouncer go come throw us comot oh" I said, trying to be the peacemaker and calm the adult uproar.

They just continued at each other like I had suddenly gone extinct.

"Just try to put yourself in someone's shoes before you open your mouth and judge. Hanhan!"

I thought for a second to tell Dave to take back what he just said 'cos dramatically, the very night of his mess up, Titi flirted me or we flirted with ourselves and I stood strong in the face of strong temptation. Had it not being for my self control, we could be exchanging pleasantries of confessions.

I sighed.

"Oh well!... I'm not about putting a ring on any lady's hand. And I will never fall for such if I was about to, even in your shoes"

"That's exactly how easy it is to say, until they fall the next victim. Abeg abeg"

"Wait till the news gets to your only 'madam' na"

"How will she know?... She's not a witch na. Unless you hawk the news to her. In which case, you're very immature"

"F you man!... Inma d'ame Boomboclat"

At this point, I knew I had to come in or else, we're sure getting bounced.

"GUYS!... CUT THE CRAP!!!" I shouted, ignoring others in the bar who have been disturbed and made eye contact with the dark, thick and roughly built guy at the door. I clasped both hands together intending to portray an "I'm sorry" sign.

He replied with a slight nod.

That was how we were. Four friends who aren't afraid of poking each other in the eyeball if need be & garnish it up with a corrective "sorry". After managing to escape being bounced, I successfully calmed them down and the next series of conversation was what to next. The deed has been done and the next thing is to know the way forward. - Not beating ourselves backward.

"So what is the way forward" I asked the two men on my either side like the boss in a conference meeting.

"Its his mess man. In'ma pack it" Mickey waved his hand like he just saw something disgusting.

After much "this and that" talk, we concluded that we'll keep it between us. We won't even tell Doctor FM - He kindda was too outspoken and may slip. I was the quietest and most reserved in the group so if any news was going to break, its definitely going to be between Believe and Mickey. We decided and concluded. The imaginary oath of silence was taken.

"But for how long?" I thought to myself. "How am I even going to be able to look at Titi if she gets to know I knew something like this and kept it from her". "What if Dave told her himself & she gets to know we concluded on silence. That would kindda tarnish my image. Or won't it?" "What the hell is wrong with this June or whatever her name is?... Huhn?!"

------------------------------------------------------- 2 Hours later ----------------------------------

"I'm determined to make your date with your wife a smooth and eventful one" Lizzy said, grinning widely as we strolled round "The Palms Mall" she was wheeling the cart around like some playful child and her ever smiling face was even more radiant. My psychic thing made me realize its a been a really long time she went out with a guy. A lot of troubles lie on the path of single mums. It is so not easy. She was wearing a long versace black and white gown with a black scarf dropping from the sides of her head and wrapped around her neck. She looked a bit arabian and she finished it off with a simple dull grey sandals.

I didn't know and never really cared much about fashion. So I just wore my jean & burberry white round neck top & a short sleeved burberry shirt on it with loose buttons. I did not know... More of I did not care if I looked good or not.

"Thanks. Hope its for real and not just some bad belle talk" I replied as I changed the hand with which I held Tammy. She also looked cute in a yellow polo shirt and a blue jean trousers to match. She had a yellow and black hi-top to kill it off. Cutest.

We bought a few more things then took Tammy to the games arcade. She ran off joyfully to join up with like five more kids playing "blind slide" or something, about her age group and totally forgot how she got there.

At first, everything was cool at first and we watched the children from one corner to the other. It was like the room was problem proof. They evidently had nothing to worry about and they were really having the time of their lives in there. "If there was just a room like this for adults where all problems will just vanish... Oh ok!... We have the bars and beer parlours". I thought for while.

Like 5 minutes after Tammy was gone, I was starting to feel like a guy who has to be left in the company of a stranger by her friend, trying to set up a match of them both. One way or the other, uneasiness and nervousness started creeping in. My left thumb caressed the screen of my S4 and from the corner of my eyes, I could see Lizzy toying with her fingers.

"Kids" she said like she was thinking aloud, her line of sight focused on the kids playing, oblivious of the two nervous adults, implementing their business as the perfect alibi.

"They ain't got no worries" I replied in the same manner. My thumb continuing its subconscious job.

"Look at her. Isn't she beautiful?"

"She is. Beautiful and full of life"

"I love her so much. If only she didn't look so much like her dad. Any time she reflects or behave like her dad, I snap and sometimes lose it. I've even gone as far as hitting her once. I cried afterwards cos she's just innocent and Its like I'm just blaming her for my stupidity..."

"Where's her dad?" I cut in, since I might not get the right opportunity to ask after this conversation.

"The idiot is in Wales. He used me, duped me, and dumped me. I was a fool for love but that's once upon a time. My heart is blocked now. I'll forever despise the day I met him. Men are just a bunch of assholes"

I felt slapped.

"Not all men though" I said beneath my breath.

"Yea. You're right. Pardon my generalization"

Silence prevailed for around three minutes as Kanye West's "Heartless" played from somewhere.

"I hate coincidences like this" I thought to myself.

Lizzy reached for the goodie bag and took two bars of Snickers. Handed one to me and continued watching. I held the chocolate and looked sideways at her. Observed, stared, gazed, and whatever was there to qualify gaping at someone.

"One-twenty! that makes it two minutes of you staring at the old cargo"

I was completely taken aback cos I was 90 percent sure I was out of her peripheral range of vision.

"You owl!" I screamed.

We laughed, did some other petty talking and I was very much relieved that the lighter mood was back. She made a "time" sign to the playroom coordinator and he immediately went to fetch Dorothy.

All the kids hugged her one after the other and Lizzy and I were like "WHAT?!". Then something strange happened. The last kid a cute boy of about five hugged her longer and gave her a peck on either cheek. With mouths wide opened, I and Lizzy stared at each other before she bursted in laughter, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

"What?!" I asked sarcastically

"How many minutes? Oh my days!... That's should be in the Guinness book of records as the shortest relationship ever"

"Leave my wife alone. I'm not complaining. Am I?"

Tammy ran into my hands as I carried her up against my chest. She waved to the group and they waved back... Everyone except the little kid. He just stared and I took it as he was too emotional to wave back.

"Kids" I whispered.

I drove Lizzy and Dorothy back home and the ride was just a jolly one. I was the comedian. And they both made an inspiring audience.

"Thanks for today. I've not gone out like this in a long long time" Lizzy said as she saw me off to my car.

"Anything to please my Mother-In-Law"

"You're not serious"

"I am oh. Impression is one of the most important things in this life. And I've just got to leave a positive one."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Something pinched my spinal line.

"No"

"Boyfriend?"

"What?!... Of course not!"

"Do you have prospectives or a crush?"

"No"

"Do you love your ex?"

Silence.....

_________________________________________

"Those who you point to as heartless, once cared too much" - ME (2011).

Mature Minds Talk.

The Ex Factor is a weekly publication from the MMT JOURNALS scheduled for publication every saturday by 9PM.

0 comments:

5 WAYS TO DEAL WITH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

March 21, 2014 Jaybee 1 Comments


Emotionally abusive relationships. You meet someone who you think is absolutely fantabulous. You think they are going to be the one. After a few months of that "new couple bliss," the tables start to turn. Your best suddenly becomes not good enough. Yeah sure, I've been there. When problems came up, I wanted to fix them but they were outside of your control. I wanted to make eveything better for the person who ultimately, was doing me more harm than good, but I refused to accept it.

The truth? So so many women who are in similar situations aren't the real reason behind the issues. You and I, we aren't the catalyst that can change these abusers for the better. More truth? Getting out is necessary. It may not be easy. It may not be what your heart wants. But it has to happen.

Looking back, I wish I had someone to help me during the hardest times. That's why I present you with 5 ways to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship:

1. Accept it. This is probably the hardest part. As much as you want to make everything hunky dory for you and your partner -- some things just aren't under your control. Accepting it is the first step to moving forward in your life. Recognize that it won't be easy. That's OK. Moving on from any relationship, emotionally abusive or not, is never simple.

2. Find comfort in friends. Your closest friends will be there for you to pick you up when you're down. In my experience, your friends haven't been fans of your emotionally abusive partner for a while now. It may be hard to admit you finally see what they've been saying for the last few months, but once you do -- you'll feel a weight lifted. A good friend just wants you to be okay. At this point in time, it's not about who is right or wrong. It's about romantic comedies, ordering takeout, and sleepovers -- no matter how old you are.

3. Distractions are critical. Now is as good a time as any to pick up a new hobby. When you're in a relationship, you dedicate a whole chunk of your personal time to another person. With those time slots suddenly open, your calendar is wide open. Pick up a few extra classes at your gym, look into a local photography club, check out the running store down the block. Allow yourself to explore new things.

4. Let out your feelings. It's okay not to be okay. I think it's safe to say that so so many women want to stay strong and put on a good face for family and friends around them.If you hold in your true feelings, you're never going to allow yourself to grieve the end of something that meant a lot to you. You're allowed. I promise.

5. Cut the loose ends. Friends with friends of his on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the like? Those constant reminders of someone who did you harm are 100 percent unnecessary, but it's hard to cut the chord. If you wouldn't be friends with them outside of the relationship, then cut the chord. Whether that be "unfriending" them completely or just blocking them from your News feed -- it will help you to move on.

Have you ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship?... Drop your comments.


Mature Minds Talk.

1 comments:

20 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A SEX ADDICT

March 17, 2014 Jaybee 8 Comments


Even before David Duchovny played a sex addict in his hit show Californication (and then became one in real life), we've been bombarded by cheating celebs swearing they're only cheating because they're addicted to sex. Tiger Woods is only the half of it.

Experts are on the fence about whether sex addiction is a real condition - but most agree that it is an actual, if not a diagnosable, disorder (though it's not listed in the bible of psychology, the DSM-IV).

So what are some of the symptoms? Are you a sex addict? Is your partner a sex addict? Read on to learn more about the signs of a true sex addiction.

1) Compulsively cheating on a partner or spouse.

2) Engaging in multiple extramarital affairs that have almost nothing to do with intimacy.

3) Masturbating excessively and/or obsessively.

4) Getting involved in unsafe sexual encounters despite knowing they're risky.

5) Compulsively engaging in phone sex.

6) Making a habit of having anonymous sexual partners.

7) Turning to prostitution -- either soliciting sex from prostitutes or becoming a prostitute or escort.

8) Engaging in sexual behaviors that interfere with other obligations like work, family life, and school.

9) Trolling classified ads online or in print for sex partners.

10) Getting irritable, anxious, or angry without frequent sex.

11) Spending an inordinate amount of time planning (often deviant) sex fantasies.

12) Feeling a great deal of guilt and remorse after engaging in sexual behaviors.

13) Frequently arguing with family and loved ones about the hypersexual behavior.

14) Engaging in unhealthy or compulsive sexual behavior despite knowing the risks of physical harm to self or others involved.

15) Repeatedly trying to curb the sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors without being able to.

16) Habitually having one-night stands.

17) Knowingly compromising personal relationships (including marriages) in order to fulfill sexual fantasies and urges.

18) Performing sex acts that tend to be precipitated by a depressed mood.

19) Engaging in exhibitionism (a desire to expose parts of the body), in public.

20) Getting pleasure out of voyeurism and frequently engaging in it.

If you recognize a good number of these traits in yourself or your partner, seek out a therapist in order to get some help. There's nothing to be scared or ashamed of. 
Sexual addiction can be treated.

 Culled from the huffington post


Mature Minds Talk.

8 comments:

THE EX FACTOR #6

March 15, 2014 Jaybee 0 Comments


Welcome to the world where everything is more twisted than it seems.

[Recap]

“Believe me when I say I’m really excited, June’s coming to Lagos next week. She told me 2 days ago that she has a 2 weeks course in preparation for her transfer from Abj to Lag” - T.E.F #1

“Having Titi sit directly opposite me in this same pub, at this same corner was like a key to the flood gate of memories. They rushed in so hard, I nearly puked some. Nobody spoke” - T.E.F #2

0 comments:

WHAT'S WRONG WITH GRANDPA?

March 15, 2014 Jaybee 1 Comments

I'm really confused about this.
My dad and I just recently transferred my grandpa to an adult care home. Since my dad wasn't too much based in the country, i did all the visiting and covered the immediate expenses.

One disturbing thing that happened on my fifth visit was the manager telling me that my grandpa has shown sexual advances to the male staffs in the institution and the latest was pretending to be ill and asking the cleaner (male) to come rub his manhood.

I was taken aback and rose to the defence of my grandpa. The manager took me to his office, told me he would've played the CCTV recording of 2 infamous acts but it was too disgusting for him. He handed over to me the two tapes and told me to watch it when i get home.

I stood up almost in shame and apologized on his behalf. I just dropped the items i bought for him cos i couldn't afford to see him. I've kept the tapes since i can't just watch them too.
I love my grandpa so much but I'll never be able to look at him after this and a lot of questions have been running through my mind.

"How long has he been gay?"

"Does my father know?"

"How did we all not notice all these while?"

"Does old age affect peoples sexual stands?"

"Could it still be a misunderstanding"?

I just don't know what to do.... I've not gone to see him since then.

Mature Minds Talk.

1 comments:

GUYS, WHO WOULD YOU GO HOME WITH?

March 14, 2014 Jaybee 0 Comments


Now, this could be another tricky one. This mischievous mind of mine... Lolz.

Well, question is: If you were to go home with one of these ladies, who would it be. Choose carefully. No Second Chance. A, B, C, D or E?

0 comments:

HOW DO WE GO HOME?!

March 12, 2014 Jaybee 3 Comments


Now this is a question for the guys. Ladies, you’re also welcome.

4 years ago she had two choices as an orphan. Open a tattoo parlour or go into prostitution. She opted for the former and advertised on herself with permanent tattoos. - You know what permanent tattoos are right?

Fast forward to today, she’s now your babe. You’ve been dating for 8 months, she’s told you every single thing about her past and She’s turned religious and has gone back to school (thanks to you). She's doing great and very caring, loving, prayerful and her advices are top notch. In short, a complete wife material. and you love her like mad.

The question now is how do you take her home to your MUM that this is who you want to marry?

Let’s hear your thoughts in the comment section below.


Mature Minds Talk.

3 comments:

DATING AN AQUARIUS MAN

March 11, 2014 Jaybee 5 Comments

Call me Bias for attending to my Zodiac sign first, you can't do anything about it. Can you? Lolz... and even if this period isn't about us; the water bearers, we'll still say "in your face yo!"... Now let me cut to the chase and give other Aquarius some more insights to their zodiac. Let's go.

5 comments:

WHERE'S THE RELATIONSHIP GOING?!

March 10, 2014 Jaybee 3 Comments


Do you seem to keep throwing gutter balls when it comes to relationships? If you’re searching for commitment, it can be frustrating to be in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere. Do you recognize either of the following scenarios?

3 comments: