AFTER BREAK UP, WHAT NEXT?
After suffering or I'll rather say going through a break up, because BREAK UPS ARE BLESSINGS, some couples sever all ties and wave goodbye while some believe in being civil
and downgrade to normal friendship. Different views and opinions surrounds this
because while some people quite clearly say they can’t stand the hurt the
memories of having the person they deeply loved would bring, some believes still
having their exes as friends is the mature thing to do regardless of the hurt.
Another argument that
arises is the fear of deja-vu and by that I mean falling in love for your ex
all over again and still probably breaking up for either reasons as the same as
the first time, or new reasons. This rightly may only happen to those who keep
their ex as friends.
So, should you
break up and break off all connections or should just bring it down to mutual
friendship?
Should you ever stay friends with a former
love?
Things might not have worked out between you romantically, but when you say, ‘Let’s be friends,’ should you mean it? The decision shouldn’t be taken lightly, but there can be benefits to swapping romance for friendship. Here’s my view to the pros and cons…
Pros
1. Severing ties with an ex can mean waving goodbye to all your mutual friends too. If you keep things friendly, you’ll retain a heap of pals and won’t have to miss out on all hearing about all their milestones and gossip. Having a large pool of friends will increase your chances of meeting someone new too.
2. No one knows you like a boyfriend or girlfriend does, especially if you’ve had a long relationship. When you need some advice - about work, friends or even what to buy your mum for her birthday - sometimes a former partner can be useful as a sounding board. Perhaps steer clear of discussing your love life, though!
3. Even though you can’t stand the sight of your ex, you can’t always avoid them. If you work together, live near each other or have lots of mates in common, you save a lot of awkwardness by keeping things civil. And if you happen to have children together too, it’s best for everyone if you can have a chat without it turning into a blazing row.
4. Sometimes a romantic relationship ends because the spark burns out, and what’s left is a friendship, plain and simple. If you and your ex get on famously but just don’t fancy each other anymore, it can be a shame to throw all that away just because you used to be together.
5. It may seem bizarre, but staying friends with an ex may give you a sense of closure and help you move on. Once you’ve made the decision to break up, the more you spend time together, the more you may realise you were just plain wrong as couple. If he’s just a memory, on the other hand, you risk idealising your former relationship.
Cons
1. If you like your friends to know every detail about you, then think again about palling up with your ex. If they still hold a torch for you – no matter how small - it's unlikely you'll be able to share the nitty-gritty about any new love interests without hurting their feelings.
2. If there’s a new fella or lady in your life, you have to prioritize their interests. And some people get a bit funny about an ex hanging around on the scene. For the sake of your new relationship, it makes sense to leave former partners in the past and focus your attention on your new flame.
3. Break-ups are messy enough already without complicating it further by clinging on to a friendship. If you stay in contact, you risk blurring the lines, especially if you still fancy each other. Too many glasses of wine and a drunken snog later and you won’t know which way is up.
4. You may be over them, but can you really hear about your ex’s new conquest without a twinge of envy and annoyance that they’ve moved on first? However bad the relationship was, the thought of a former fling with someone else can be painful and make you waste unnecessary energy on being competitive. Cut them out of your life and you won’t be faced with the gory details.
5. Staying friends with an ex can make it harder to find someone new. Constantly being reminded of your past can hold you back, and you may find yourself comparing everyone to him. And if you’re both single, you might not bother looking for someone else, because your emotional needs are still being met with your regular cosy chats.
Things might not have worked out between you romantically, but when you say, ‘Let’s be friends,’ should you mean it? The decision shouldn’t be taken lightly, but there can be benefits to swapping romance for friendship. Here’s my view to the pros and cons…
Pros
1. Severing ties with an ex can mean waving goodbye to all your mutual friends too. If you keep things friendly, you’ll retain a heap of pals and won’t have to miss out on all hearing about all their milestones and gossip. Having a large pool of friends will increase your chances of meeting someone new too.
2. No one knows you like a boyfriend or girlfriend does, especially if you’ve had a long relationship. When you need some advice - about work, friends or even what to buy your mum for her birthday - sometimes a former partner can be useful as a sounding board. Perhaps steer clear of discussing your love life, though!
3. Even though you can’t stand the sight of your ex, you can’t always avoid them. If you work together, live near each other or have lots of mates in common, you save a lot of awkwardness by keeping things civil. And if you happen to have children together too, it’s best for everyone if you can have a chat without it turning into a blazing row.
4. Sometimes a romantic relationship ends because the spark burns out, and what’s left is a friendship, plain and simple. If you and your ex get on famously but just don’t fancy each other anymore, it can be a shame to throw all that away just because you used to be together.
5. It may seem bizarre, but staying friends with an ex may give you a sense of closure and help you move on. Once you’ve made the decision to break up, the more you spend time together, the more you may realise you were just plain wrong as couple. If he’s just a memory, on the other hand, you risk idealising your former relationship.
Cons
1. If you like your friends to know every detail about you, then think again about palling up with your ex. If they still hold a torch for you – no matter how small - it's unlikely you'll be able to share the nitty-gritty about any new love interests without hurting their feelings.
2. If there’s a new fella or lady in your life, you have to prioritize their interests. And some people get a bit funny about an ex hanging around on the scene. For the sake of your new relationship, it makes sense to leave former partners in the past and focus your attention on your new flame.
3. Break-ups are messy enough already without complicating it further by clinging on to a friendship. If you stay in contact, you risk blurring the lines, especially if you still fancy each other. Too many glasses of wine and a drunken snog later and you won’t know which way is up.
4. You may be over them, but can you really hear about your ex’s new conquest without a twinge of envy and annoyance that they’ve moved on first? However bad the relationship was, the thought of a former fling with someone else can be painful and make you waste unnecessary energy on being competitive. Cut them out of your life and you won’t be faced with the gory details.
5. Staying friends with an ex can make it harder to find someone new. Constantly being reminded of your past can hold you back, and you may find yourself comparing everyone to him. And if you’re both single, you might not bother looking for someone else, because your emotional needs are still being met with your regular cosy chats.
Let’s hear your thoughts on this in the comment section below
Mature Minds Talk.
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